On Writing and Life: Running A House And Working Full Time
How I Write Full Time And Run A House
I have three teenagers, a husband, and an odd cat who is in love with my husband and lays on his chest every night. I’m also a women’s fiction writer. Here’s a little cheat sheet on how I run my house while working full time.
I do not fold this stuff...life is too short and sweet.
1) I do not fold my family’s laundry. I remember listening to a mother many years ago, when my daughter was a baby, complaining that she had spent two hours folding laundry the day before. I looked at her and thought, “She is absolutely insane. I will never, ever be like that woman.”
I wash laundry, I put it in the dryer, and I plop it on the floor. My kids come and get their laundry – this started when they were two – and put it in their drawers/closets themselves. Life is precious. Do not waste time folding clothes.
2) I rarely dust. I cannot possibly picture drumming up enough energy to make sure every speck is off my surfaces. How dreary. It takes time away from my imagination. Another time saver? I don’t even sort my silverware, I just toss it altogether into a drawer after it’s cleaned.
I just toss the silverware in and go on my la dee da way.
3) I have streamlined my home. I am a huge thrower. The best way to a clean house is to throw unnecessary items out on a regular basis like a Tazmanian She – Devil. Do not hesitate here, an organized home is essential to sanity. Get bags and start hauling it out. (This does not apply to my garage. Clearly, a cyclone has hit in there)
4) I buy a lot of prepared meals to make my life easier. My kids say I don’t cook, I “heat up.” It makes me laugh. When I sit down at the dinner table, I’m not stressed out so we have a good ole’ time. A home baked meal is worthless if an exhausted mom is crying into the sauce.
A busy child is a better child. Teach them how to clean.
5) I make my kids help. My son and daughters scrub toilets, vacuum, do dishes, clean bathrooms, help with meals, and wash floors. They always have. I will not do this housework alone. I. Will. Not. Spoiled children grow up to be spoiled adults. Make your children work.
6) When I have a deadline, everyone helps more. I insist. They don’t help, they incur my wrath. It’s not pretty.
7) I take time away from my characters, plotlines and household stress to rest. I have heard so many times, “Take ten minutes out of each day for yourself.” What a crock. Ten minutes is barely enough time to hide in the bathroom or dig into a pint of ice cream. Insist on more time for yourself. Plan time on the weekends. Put the kids to bed earlier and have them read a book. Take a bath in the dark and if any kid interrupts you and they’re
Reeellax...
not bleeding through their ears, take their favorite show away from them for a week. They’ll change immediately. You are a better woman if you’re not living like your hair’s on fire all day.
Nothing wrong with Poker Night with the family
8) We have family dinners, even when I know I’ll be up until three in the morning writing. I see articles saying, “Have Family Dinner Once a Week,” and I just want to cry. That is not enough. If your kids are all in sports late, then have a Family Dessert Time afterwards. Family movie night with brownies. Pizza Night on Sunday. Poker night. You MUST get your family together more than once a week. Your kids must internalize that family is the most important thing in their lives.
9) One more thing…I compete with no one. Do not compete with other women for the perfect house, clothes, family. Do not compete with your neighbors or family members. If people are competing with you, drop them, irritating people must hit the highway.
Never strive for household perfection. It’s a pointless exercise, and it’s shallow and boring. Invite honest, fun, interesting people to your home for fettuccine alfredo and chocolate pie. Be happy about the little things in life, be grateful that you are still here and, most of all, enjoy your family and friends, every day.
Gotta go. Must write.
Well OK then! I guess we all just got to know you better. In my case I got to love you a bit more too! It’s always good when we can find ways that our lives are made better and our families are too. Well put girlfriend, well put.
1…and who likes housework? It is great to live in an organized house, but organized and obsessive are two different things, aren’t they?
I prefer organized…and a little dust here and there…
2This is so true Cathy!!! Very insightful and love your way of doing things. I gave up long ago trying to have a clean house. All our kids are grown and on their own now but we have 6 dogs that shed a LOT. We think dog hair is another “food group” in our home. They are our kids now!!!
3Dog hair means you have beloved hairy friends around you all the time, right?
4Cathy! My debut novel comes out in May (48 days from today) and I needed this post so bad I almost got dizzy nodding my head. It’s all so exciting and so daunting but I can’t imagine anything else. My daughter does help—my son is in college so it’s just the two of us. And the dogs, well, they do what they can.
THANK YOU!
5Oh yay for you, Amy!
That’s very exciting.
What’s the title?
6Cathy i swear you speak like I think! Can you tell this to all the OCD peeps in the world!
7Ah, Joleen,
The people who try to be perfect I just steer clear of. Too hard to be around.
…perfection is too daunting. I strive for food that doesn’t ever make anyone sick.
8I have no children living at home but hubs and I both have stressful jobs and we’re not so young as we used to be – I quit folding my underwear a long time ago. I just throw it in the drawer and dig through the pile for what I need every morning – and I HATE to dust though it has to be done sometimes because I have the dustiest house in Omaha, NE. Love the way you think and especially love your books!
9Thank you!
So glad you like my books, I’m writing my next one now.
If You Could See What I See is out in August…
10Regarding raising children I always said that no is a good word and chores are a good thing. I was not going to raise royalty. I just wasn’t qualified! And having dinner together was a must. Now that my kids are grown, I’m so glad we did. Love your rules, Cathy! And your books.
11…Yep, ‘no’ is a good word for kids. Entitled children grow up to be entitled adults.
Bad news.
12Dear Cathy,
What a wonderful post! Thank you for putting this down so the rest of us trying to live similar lives can know we are not totally insane. I have three kids, a full-time “day job” and just had my debut novel published. I’m struggling now with how to finish the next book in the midst of the chaos and your post was so timely. Sometimes one needs validation that writing and taking care of one’s self in the midst of family and work responsibilities is a valuable way to spend one’s time.
And here’s to kids doing their chores!!!
Best,
13Amy Franklin-Willis
Well, congratulations on your debut novel! That’s very exciting! yes, it is hard to work, write and have kids. I have three kids – now teenagers, but I remember working as a freelancer and being a mom and taking care of a house. Basically, I slept 6 hours a night for about 17 years. Now, i sleep more and it’s wonderful. You’ll get there, Amy!
14Wonderful post! You are amazing and so encouraging! My two great kids have graduated from college and are now out of the nest, so I’m writing full-time. Finally! I’m one happy camper these days and I look forward to picking up one of your books very soon!
All the best!
15That’s great you’re writing full time. How fun. I love to write. Live to write. It is a good thing I published because I’m not skilled to do much else but daydream and then write the daydreams down. ..
16Finally, someone tells it like it is. I’m lucky that my husband does the laundry. He’ll love seeing that we’re not the only ones with baskets full of clean clothes.
17That’s great your husband does the laundry. That’s sexy, Sheryn, very sexy to see a man doing housework. They don’t get that part usually.
18LOVE it!!! as always
19Awesome post! I too do not fold laundry or sort my silverware. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
20You’re right! Ain’t nobody got time for that silliness!
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