(PLEASE VOTE)

Here is what happens with Vote By Mail:

A ballot comes to my LOCKED mail box. I open it with my handy dandy key. I take the ballot and talk to my cat who has followed me outside. We have a nice conversation. Next I go to the fridge and open it and say, “What the HELL am I going to burn for dinner tonight for Innocent Husband?”

I decide I should work instead. Which means, as a writer, I sit on the couch and I daydream and pretend to work. When I am exhausted from day dreaming, I look for chocolate for nutritional purposes.

Innocent Husband comes home and he makes dinner because I have clearly had a tough day. We watch a show together that does not stress either of us out like Lottery Dream Home (we’re going to win the lottery soon) or Log Cabin Living. (No, Innocent Husband, we are not moving to a deserted log cabin in the woods because I am not a hermit. No. No. I said NO.)

(PLEASE VOTE)

I open up the ballot when Innocent Husband conks out for the night, a friendly cat sleeping on his chest. I vote by filling in the little circles. I vote for people who are not going to take away my healthcare as Innocent Husband and I are self-employed.

Politicians who want to allow insurance companies to deny healthcare in future for people you love dearly who have pre-existing conditions or charge them more are HORRIBLE HEALTHCARE MONSTERS. If the HORRIBLE HEALTHCARE MONSTERS win this time around, we could have a problem here.

I put the ballot in the envelope you see above and skip out to my locked mailbox and off it goes. I begin another conversation with my cat who has, again, trailed me outside. What am I, the Pied Cat Piper? I tell him to get inside or the coyotes will eat him for dinner.

We do not have voter fraud here with Vote By Mail, so do not let Lying, Creepy Politicians who want to shut down certain voters make you believe it.

There are no human goblins that smash into mail boxes and scurry away with ballots in the middle of the night. There is no one working for, or volunteering with, the elections who tries to rig it with a Malicious, Mercurial Master Plan. There are no problems at all.

We don’t stand in line in the rain or snow. We don’t have to leave work to vote. We don’t have to miss a kid’s soccer game.

It’s easy. And you can even eat M and M’s while voting. It makes voting taste better and that is the truth.

(PLEASE VOTE)