Grape Nuts and Embarrassment
One would think I would feel embarrassed after what I did.
I was not embarrassed.
One would think I would make a vow not to do it again.
I will not make that vow.
It all happened at Wal Mart. I went looking for Grape Nuts, as usual. For those of you who do not know, there is a tragic, distressing national shortage of Grape Nuts. I have eaten Grape Nuts for decades. Decades! And now, in the midst of a pandemic my cereal is gone. For months.
I was in my usual Wal Mart – Covid fancy attire: Sweats that have gotten way too tight these last months through no fault of my own, of course. An old rain coat. No make up. Hair ripped back in a ponytail because I was NOT GOING ANYWHERE as usual. My mask.
And there it was.
ONE box of Grape Nuts. My mouth dropped open. I thought I might have heard angels singing.
Highest shelf. Way at the back. No, I did not ask a clerk for a ladder, yes, I CLIMBED THE SHELVES. Who the heck am I? A mountain climber? A Himalayan hiker? No, I am not. I am a mother who is not too fond of heights, and there I was, dangling.
(Is it against the rules to climb Wal Mart shelves? Maybe I should arrest myself.)
But, alas, and bad words, The Grape Nuts was WEDGED into the back of the top shelf. Stuck. I had to climb up those shelves three times, totally ungracefully, hopping up and down like a crazy rabbit, swatting at the box to get it dislodged.
I am sure I looked absolutely ridiculous, like a deranged, middle-aged woman who had lost her blasted mind. I really didn’t care.
I wanted that box. It is Covid. We do stupid stuff.
On the third swat, I got it.
I felt like doing a little jig but I resisted. Climbing Wal Mart shelves was all I could do in one day.
Innocent Husband cheered for me when I got home. We are getting old and odd, but this is what Covid isolation does to you.
You find joy in the tiniest things because ya just have to.
I am so glad that I did not end up on You Tube.
Are you sure you won’t end up on YouTube? Just the other night I found a site showing all kinds of hilarious, and some kinda foul, bits cobbled together specifically called “Bad at WalMart.” I must admit I laughed pretty hard. Some of it made me scratch my head in wonderment. This fella, Fluffee is what he goes by, comments on posts and clips folks have sent him. The oddness seems to have multiplied during Covid of course. Folks are shown wearing all types of absurdities. But the real reason for my writing is I can wholly identify with needing to reach something on a shelf above my head. I’m only 5’2” in the first place. I’ve often stood on as aisle waiting for anyone taller than myself so I can reach whatever item eludes me. I have stood in the doorway of a freezer section to reach deeper into a shelf. Even better, I have gone and borrowed a broom or any other long handled implement to knock an item down, or scoot it closer to the edge.I always wave at the security bubble cameras as I know they’re watching. I figure I’m providing entertainment for them seeing as how they could send someone out to help.
On one shopping trip I needed some folders from a box over my head. If I knocked it down it would probably land on my head. An older gentleman holding the hands of a grandchild on either side of him appeared. I said, “Excuse me sir. Could you possibly reach this box for me so it doesn’t fall on my head?” He smiled and obliged. I thanked him as he turned to go, then said to the kids, “Thank you for letting me borrow your grandpa.” They giggled all the way down the aisle. I heard one say, “Wait til we tell grandma that lady borrowed our grandpa.
I anxiously await your next book.
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