Felix The Raccoon And Other Wildlife Issues
A QUICK UPDATE ON FELIX THE RACCOON.
I have a raccoon.
He is not a pet.
He lurks outside my home in suburbia wearing his bandit mask and a little smile. He wants to come inside. He wants to warm his bones by the fire. He wants to eat our cat food. He wants to hang out. I don’t want him in the house. I don’t want to hang out with him.
I am all for wildlife, but having a raccoon sprawled out on my couch eating my cookies is taking it too far.
I named the raccoon, Felix, a good boy’s name, even though Innocent Husband said I should not name wild animals.
Then came a problem: Felix disappeared. I thought he had become a coyote’s dinner. Yes, in the middle of suburbia we have raccoons and gangs of raucous, partying coyotes. But no. Felix returned.
Felix returned with three baby raccoons, one of whom scratched my screen door because, like her mother, she wanted in. She wanted to sit by our fire, warm her bones, eat our cat food, etc.
Felix is not a boy. Felix is a mother. I have renamed her. Her name is now Felix-Anita. The babies are Elizabeth, Isabella, and Estelle. Innocent Husband says I should not name the baby raccoons.
The raccoon saga continues.
As you can see, KC The Cat, age 17, clearly does not want raccoons in front of her fireplace.
She votes no.
