Unfortunately, I needed to get something to wear to my presentation at Powell’s that night and Rebel Dancing Daughter and Adventurous Singing Daughter were unavailable to come with me.

Way to wait until the last minute, right?

I dragged a bunch of dresses into the dressing room at Macy’s. It was like entering fashion hell for me, complete with a hot flash and bad lighting that emphasized my cellulite and a grumpy face.

I groaned and whined and moaned.

I didn’t realize I was talking OUT LOUD to myself in the dressing room until I heard someone thunk the wall between us. I’m sure she thought I was an utter loon.

I should have been embarrassed at talking to myself at such a loud volume, but I am too old for embarrassment anymore.

These are the things I said, again out loud,  beforeThe Thunk.

1) That dress looks good on your boobs but not on your butt, Cathy.

2) You need Spanx.

3) Where do we buy Spanx?

4) Would Spanx give me a hot flash? I don’t want to have a hot flash at Powell’s.

5) Your butt is too big.

6) How did your butt get that big?

7) Please stop eating chocolate.

8) You look like you’re sort of pregnant.

9) Why are you even trying on this dress? What are you, Pollyanna?

10) That is way too expensive. We’re not buying that!

11) Take that off. Justtake it off.

I know. Pathetic.

I didn’t find anything to wear for Powell’s.

(If you were next to me in the dressing room at Macy’s and you heard me talking to myself, don’t be alarmed! I talk to myself, and my characters, all day long. I am safe to be around, now don’t you worry.)

I called my friend, Karen Calcagno, who I was supposed to meet for dinner before the reading. I canceled because I was going to have to raid my closet for something decent to wear. Karen and I have been friends for twenty years. We have seen life together. Lots of it beautiful, some of it harsh and sad, and it has sometimes knocked us both on our butts.

But we still laugh a lot and it has been a staple of our friendship. Karen is also very wise. She told me, after I had blubbered on and on, “Cathy, go home. Put on your favorite pair of jeans. Put on a t – shirt. Get that beautiful lace shirt you have and wear that. Be comfortable.”

And that’s what I did.

I was trying to find something fancy to wear to Powell’s, but I don’t do fancy. I do jeans. So I wore my favorite jeans and the lace shirt to Powell’s, exactly as Calm Zen Karen told me to do.

I spoke about my book “What I Remember Most.” Lots of people came. They were all friendly and fun. My journalism teacher from high school was there, as usual. One of my favorite book clubs. My husband.  Funny girlfriends.

I don’t think they cared what I wore, but I felt better in my old jeans than a dress, that is for sure. And I would have felt like I was suffocating and hot flashing in Spanx.

Once again I learned my lesson: Be you. You’re best being you.