Grenadine Scotch Wild And Being Homeless
This is an excerpt from my book, What I Remember Most, written through the eyes of my character, Grenadine Scotch Wild.
“Being homeless is bringing Alice, My Anxiety, to the forefront. I am vulnerable in many ways. My physical safety is not assured. I am cold. I do not have a bed or a home. I cannot take a shower when I need to. I am peeing out the side of my car. Sleeping in my car makes me feel claustrophobic. I do not like tight spaces. I don’t have enough money.
Nothing is organized as it should be. When things are disorganized I feel scattered and nervous.I need a home environment that is neat and clean with tons of healthy food in the cupboards.
I need pretty around me and bright colors to ward off the darkness so I am not reminded of where I used to be. Any reminder of the chaos of my past, the danger, will set me off. I am now set off.
I need my art, too. There is no “stupid” in art. It can’t make fun of me across the canvas. It can’t force me to stumble over words. It can’t ridicule me. It is mine. I am art. I create and paint, layer, and build. I need my canvases, my paints; my odd, shiny, rough, original, unique, trashy, sparkling collage materials. I need my scissors and my glues.
My hands are not used to not doing art. My mind is not used to being present in the real world at all times, nor does it like it. My heart needs art.
I need a home so I can art it out, so to speak.
Which translates loosely into: If I can’t art it out, I will lose my friggin’ mind to Alice, My Anxiety.
I am homeless, and Alice and I do not like car living.”
