I have thought about my New Year’s resolutions deeply and completely. Sort of.

I would like to lose twenty pounds in 2012.

For two reasons I don’t think this will happen.

One, I like chocolate.

Two, I will not give up my mochas. I had a skinny friend stare at me once, appalled, when I told her I would NEVER give up my mochas. Never? she asked me, gasping. (Skinny friends!!) Nope, I said. Never. She does not understand me and this small addiction.

Why will I not give up chocolate and mochas? Because if I die after being struck by a pigeon, falling star, or tractor I am going to be truly pissed off in heaven if I did not have my mocha that day in a ridiculous quest for thinness.

So, weight loss is probably off the table for my resolutions. I already exercise and my obsessive charting of it drives me crazy enough not to mess with it. That won’t be on the Resolutions list, either.

I could write down that I want to be a better mother, but I have three teenagers and much of the time I am flying by the seat of my pants. It’s like raising three hurricanes. Who can control hurricanes?  Plus, I don’t want any more pressure.  It would make my nerves nervous.

I could write a resolution saying I want to be a better wife, but I know the nagging is still happening and after almost nineteen years, I’m simply not going to change.

All I am left with is my work.

Top Ten Resolutions, then, for a Befuddled Writer are as follows:

1) I will not daydream about romantic sex scenes for my books while running. I have fallen three times, splat down, on a wooded trail near my home while doing this because I got distracted. It hurt. I am too old to fall that hard and I do not like the taste of dirt or getting bark dust stuck in my knees. Sex and running do not work, mark my words.

2) I will try not to be in a robe at 4:00 in the afternoon for the last six weeks before my deadlines. I will also wash my hair more than every three days during that time period because it is gross not to and my daughter nicely told me this a couple days ago.

3) I will try not to cry when hard things happen to my characters while I am sitting in Starbucks.

Okay. I will cry. Forget this one.

3) (Again) Speaking of Starbucks. I will not eavesdrop so much on people’s conversations in the hopes of studying dialogue, odd people with strange quirks, or gaining story ideas.

Nope. This one won’t work, either. I like eavesdropping.

3) (Again, again) I will write better the first time around in my drafts so I don’t have to edit the book twelve times.

4) I will not mutter loudly while writing when other people like, strangers, are around and can hear me.

5) I will not let my characters tick me off, then take it out on Innocent Husband, who truly has no clue about what’s going on in his wife’s mind. (That second part is a side note. Don’t tell him I said it.)

6) I will try to go out more when I’m writing my stories and not go into a cave with my journals and computer. I will go to lunch with girlfriends and pretend that I am normal and do not have a passel of noisy characters in my head at all times.

7) I will find out what is abnormal about everyone I talk to. Just for fun.

8) I will stop feeling guilty about serving ready made meals at dinner and getting salad from a sack. I don’t like to cook. So what?

9) I will remember my name at all times.

10) I will remember Innocent Husband’s name.

11) I will not say all of my children’s names, one right after the other, when I am disciplining a child, until I get the right kid’s name associated with the right kid. I will call each kid the right name even if they interrupt me in the middle of a scene where a character is seeing heaven’s angels or a beastly man is breaking a hip or a greenhouse is being shattered.

12) I will read more.

13) I will walk more at dusk because sunsets are truly inspiring for writing and living and understanding things bigger than ourselves.

I am in my robe while writing this. My hair is not so clean. I have been muttering. It is not a good sign.

Luckily, I have had my chocolate and my mocha today. Who knows when I could get hit by a pigeon? You must always plan ahead for these things.

Cheers and Happy New Year.