Hello all,

My E – book, I’m Not Yours, is on sale for a short and sweet amount of time for $4.99.

Only on Amazon…

https://shorturl.at/GIWXm

Here’s what it’s about…

Two happy-ending love stories, written for women who need wine, a bubble bath, chocolates, and laughter.

The Apple Orchard

Allie Pelletier was fired from her executive position at a fancy clothing chain after her boss, a difficult and deranged woman, threw her Manolo Blahnik shoes at her head. Allie was relieved as her seventy-hour work weeks were exhausting. She caught the shoes and headed out. She sold her condo in a flash and moved to the old farmhouse and apple orchard that her estranged late father left her, along with a menagerie of funny pets. When Spunky Joe the horse accidentally kicks her, Allie lands in the emergency room. When Dr. Jace Rios, the love of her life she pushed away years ago, walks in, she ingloriously faints at his feet. And there we begin. Two people must overcome a painful history and buried secrets to be together again. With a little apple pie, it just might work.

June’s Lace

June MacKenzie is a wedding dress designer living in a charming blue cottage on a cliff above the Oregon Coast. Her dresses are eccentric and daring – a black leather and white lace dress for a motorcycle enthusiast, a dress filled with tiny white lights for a bride who loves fireflies. June is positive she will never design her own wedding dress because she’s going through a mind-numbing divorce. Her soon to be ex-husband is a controlling vermin-man who has decided he wants part of her business. She would rather be hit by lightning. But when June is knocked over by a sneaker wave and rescued by a sincere and steamy-hot country music songwriter, she knows she’s been knocked over by more than just water. Alas, she can’t “do” love again, even though Reece likes to dance with her on the sand…

* Eons ago, almost in the time of castles, knights, and yore, June’s Lace was previously printed in Beach Season and The Apple Orchard was previously printed in You’re Still the One.

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This is the expanded version of a facebook post I wrote recently.

It’s titled, “Innocent Husband Does Not Meow at Deer,” and you can read it on Substack. I wrote a longer article because I didn’t feel like working on my book. I was procrastinating. I am good at procrastinating.

https://open.substack.com/pub/cathylamb/p/innocent-husband-does-not-meow-at?r=kayfq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

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If you would like to sign up for my Substack newsletter, here’s the link.

I try to write regularly but that doesn’t work at all because of general laziness, daydreaming time, writing books, and hanging out with Innocent Husband and The Cats while begging Rebel Dancing Daughter, Adventurous Singing Daughter, and Darling Laughing Son to come and visit us again.

I do try to write with a little humor. Laughing is good for us blah blah blah.

Wishing you a happy day.

https://cathylamb.substack.com/?utm_campaign=profile_chips

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Since I live in the middle of suburbia / city, it makes sense that I have a mini herd of deer in my fenced backyard obstinately eating my impatiens. I also have a visiting skunk named Chameleon and a gang of coyotes that howl at night as if they own the place. I am waiting to see if a mountain lion streaks past my petunias so he can have deer for dinner.

The flower-eating crime was committed in broad daylight, right after Innocent Husband mowed the lawn. The deer were not afraid of Innocent Husband and the cats did nothing but laze and roll about. Rumor has it they didn’t even meow in protest.

To clarify: The cats didn’t meow at the deer. Innocent Husband didn’t meow at the deer, either, which would have been a sight to be seen. Innocent Husband doesn’t meow unless he is talking to the cats. It is an odd, frightening-sounding meow when it happens, like a violin screeching, or perhaps a cavewoman shouting, but the cats take it in stride and know that Innocent Husband is simply trying to be friendly.

I’m writing my latest book outside tomorrow so I can keep an eye on my impatiens and encourage the cats to protect the property in a more effective manner.

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20 years ago I almost gave up on writing books.

There had been too many rejections from agents and editors.

Not for weeks or months.

For YEARS.

Becoming a published writer seemed absolutely hopeless. Eventually I thought there was a greater chance that I would turn into a tiny fairy with sparkling wings.

Read more on my FREE Substack newsletter…

https://open.substack.com/pub/cathylamb/p/20-years-ago?r=kayfq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false

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Hello everyone,

Click on my video below for a little music, and a little information about my new book, “I’m Not Yours.”

Super summer reading, happy ending, funny at times…

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Hello everyone! Happy summer reading to you!

I just wanted to let you know that “Ruthie Deschutes O’Hara Has Ulterior Motives” and “Ten Kids, Two Lovebirds, and a Singing Mermaid,” are now on Kindle Unlimited in case you need a summer read!

Here’s what they’re about…

RUTHIE DESCHUTES O’HARA HAS ULTERIOR MOTIVES:

A hilarious, touching story about love…at any age.

Ruthie Deschutes O’Hara is 70 years old. Her huge family, eccentric and rebellious, owns a popular tequila business in central Oregon, which they run off “the homestead.”

A retired English teacher who loves books, Ruthie has been widowed for five years. Her beloved late husband and she used to watch a reality TV dating show called “Marry Me,” along with their dignified old dogs, curious cats, snorting pig, and scary rabbit who sometimes screams.

The “grooms” on “Marry Me” had the intellectual capabilities of grunting cavemen, according to Ruthie, as they dated the “brides,” and yet, the show was oddly entertaining.

But Ruthie has a big problem that needs to be solved in a creative way. She decides to do something daring. Something out of character. Something…outrageous.

She will become a contestant on a new “Marry Me” for seniors! She’ll compete for a groom, along with two dozen other “mature” brides.

She has no interest in the groom, that would be ridiculous. She’s not looking to fall in love again, that would be silly. Good heavens, she’s certainly not looking to wed the man, but if she was chosen for “Marry Me,” she could probably solve her perplexing problem. All would then be well again…

Ruthie Deschutes O’Hara has ulterior motives.

She is not going on “Marry Me” for the right reasons.

She is not prepared for what happens next.

+++++

TEN KIDS, TWO LOVEBIRDS, and a SINGING MERMAID:

Set in Huntington Beach, California in 1979, the O’Briens and Rossis become next door neighbors and life is never the same again.

July 2019

Jesse O’Brien receives the phone call she never wanted and never expected. Her frightened sister, Joyce, tells her, “She’s missing.”

June 1979

On the day Jesse’s mother’s marriage fell apart, her face was slathered in snow-white cold cream, everything but her mouth and small circles around her eyes covered. She wore a plastic cap to dye a few gray hairs snaking through her thick brown waves and a pink polyester housedress.

Annie O’Brien, usually calm and cheerful, is livid as her husband tells her he’s leaving her and their five children for a woman who looks like Barbie.

Stunned, Jesse follows her furious parents outside as her father loads his suitcases into his Alfa Romeo and her mother loads a pie into her hand and heaves it at her father then waters his face with a hose.

When the dust settles, the Alfa Romeo roaring down the street, the cold cream now mixed with cherry pie filling, the shattered O’Brien family meets the Rossi family who have just moved in next door: Tommy, a Vietnam vet who looks like a motorcycle gang leader; his sister, Liliana, who believes she’s a mermaid; and Tommy’s five kids. They are mildly surprised at the family drama, but eager to get to know their exciting new neighbors.

Five kids plus five kids equals ten, and the adventures begin with an ending no one saw coming.

Inspired by Cathy Lamb’s childhood, TEN KIDS TWO LOVEBIRDS, AND A SINGING MERMAID is a funny, sweet story about life changing pies and Slip ‘N Slides, swearing parrots and sunny days, and mending aching hearts…together.

BOTH BOOKS ONLY AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.

\

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I bet you need a book that will make you smile.

And laugh.

And take you away from life.

I have one for ya.

Only on Amazon: https://shorturl.at/MtRHH

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Click on the link to see my new article on Substack about my book I’m Not Yours.

I chat about the two novellas, June’s Lace and The Apple Orchard, how women can wear cool glasses in a bubble bath, balance wine on their stomachs, and how cackling like a witch helped me to write my latest stories.

https://cathylamb.substack.com/p/my-newish-book-is-out-today

Happy reading to all!

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Need two entertaining summer romances?

My new(ish) book, “I’m Not Yours,” is out TODAY. The two modern love stories, “June’s Lace” and “The Apple Orchard” were written for women who need wine, a bubble bath, and a break.

Oh, and a few laughs.

Only on Amazon: https://shorturl.at/BtFnQ

A little info on these two novellas…

THE APPLE ORCHARD

Allie Pelletier was fired from her executive position at a fancy clothing chain after her boss, a difficult and deranged woman, threw her Manolo Blahnik shoes at her head.

Allie was relieved as her seventy-hour work weeks were exhausting. She caught the shoes and headed out. She sold her condo in a flash and moved to the old farmhouse and apple orchard that her estranged late father left her, along with a menagerie of funny pets.

When Spunky Joe the horse accidentally kicked her, Allie landed in the emergency room.

When Dr. Jace Rios, the love of her life she pushed away years ago, walked in, she ingloriously fainted at his feet.

And there we begin. Two people must overcome a painful history and buried secrets to be together again.

With a little apple pie, it just might work.

(SHHH. BIG secret: It does work! But this is a romance story so you knew that.)

JUNE’S LACE

June MacKenzie is a wedding dress designer living in a charming blue cottage on a cliff above the Oregon Coast. Her dresses are eccentric and daring – a black leather and white lace dress for a motorcycle enthusiast, a dress filled with tiny white lights for a bride who loves fireflies.

June is positive she will never design her own wedding dress because she’s going through a mind-numbing divorce. Her soon to be ex-husband is a controlling vermin-man who has decided he wants part of her business. She would rather be hit by lightning.

But when June is knocked over by a sneaker wave and rescued by a sincere and steamy-hot country music songwriter, she knows she’s been knocked over by more than just water.

Amidst planning her sister’s wedding with her hilarious, eccentric family, can she learn to trust the singing cowboy in front of her?

(SPOILER ALERT! Yes, she can!)

*** Eons ago, almost in the time of castles, knights, and yore, June’s Lace was previously printed in Beach Season and The Apple Orchard was previously printed in You’re Still the One.

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Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

We’re having a BBQ with friends, then my neighborhood will sound like it’s exploding, and next I’ll settle in to read a book.

Wishing you a joyful day.

PS My new(ish) book “I’m Not Yours,” with two novellas, is out next week!

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Editing my Christmas book, today. It’s going to be a loooong few months.

I shall need some magic from Mrs. Claus, help from Rudolph, and an elf or too.

Wishing you a Merry Summer.

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Greetings! I’M NOT YOURS is out in a few days, I think, probably, hoping…Here’s what the two novellas, The Apple Orchard and June’s Lace, are about…

The Apple Orchard

Allie Pelletier was fired from her executive position at a fancy clothing chain after her boss, a difficult and deranged woman, threw her Manolo Blahnik shoes at her head. Allie was relieved as her seventy-hour work weeks were exhausting. She caught the shoes and headed out. She sold her condo in a flash and moved to the old farmhouse and apple orchard that her estranged late father left her, along with a menagerie of funny pets. When Spunky Joe the horse accidentally kicks her, Allie lands in the emergency room. When Dr. Jace Rios, the love of her life she pushed away years ago, walks in, she ingloriously faints at his feet. And there we begin. Two people must overcome a painful history and buried secrets to be together again. With a little apple pie, it just might work.

June’s Lace

June MacKenzie is a wedding dress designer living in a charming blue cottage on a cliff above the Oregon Coast. Her dresses are eccentric and daring – a black leather and white lace dress for a motorcycle enthusiast, a dress filled with tiny white lights for a bride who loves fireflies. June is positive she will never design her own wedding dress because she’s going through a mind-numbing divorce. Her soon to be ex-husband is a controlling vermin-man who has decided he wants part of her business. She would rather be hit by lightning. But when June is knocked over by a sneaker wave and rescued by a sincere and steamy-hot country music song writer, she knows she’s been knocked over by more than just water. Alas, she can’t “do” love again, even though Reece likes to dance with her on the sand…

*** Eons ago, almost in the time of castles, knights, and yore, “June’s Lace” was printed in “Beach Season” and “The Apple Orchard” was printed in “You’re Still the One.”

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Coming soon….one brand new Christmas novel, one three-novella Christmas collection, and one two-novella romance. Links to follow.

**** Eons ago, almost in the time of castles, knights, and yore, the stories in “WANTED: Christmas Miracles” and “I’m Not Yours” were printed in different anthologies. Hear ye, hear ye, you probably didn’t read them.

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Happy Sunday! I’m reading / writing / sitting in my garden. See the clematis? That was my late mother’s.

She’s been gone 23 years and every summer when it blooms I just smile, and get a little teary, and remember what a beautiful, amazing, strong woman she was.

We both love books, we both love gardening, we both love reading books in a garden.

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I’m Not Yours is coming out soon! Two happy-ending, funny love stories set in Oregon: The Apple Orchard and June’s Lace. Perfect for summer and for those who need to read cheerful books to counter the mess and stress of real life. Links to follow.

++ Both stories published eons ago in 2012 and 2013 in anthologies. If ya don’t remember reading them then, they’ll be NEW TO YOU.

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If you need a summer read, I have two short stories coming out soon, June’s Lace and The Apple Orchard. The title of the book is I’m Not Yours. Cover and link will be available when the moon is full and a small rainbow shines overhead.

(Previously published in You’re Still the One and Beach Season eons ago…in a far away galaxy…in a time when buggies were pulled by horses and bonnets were worn…)

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Some people have a bird bath. I, however, have a cat bath.

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The glamor in my life continues.

This is me after I finished using a pressure washer on our trellis.

As you can see I am wearing dirt for make up. But AT LEAST the patio is clean, and my flowers are planted, helping to make my garden pretty and peaceful for writing books.

Dirt is good for you, just try not to eat it.

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Warning: You may not like me by the end of this article.

I am asked all the time where I get my ideas for my books.

I think it’s an excellent question.

I get ideas everywhere. My quirky childhood. History. A gold and pink sunset on the Oregon coast. Clucky chickens. Pecan pies and whip cream.

Lies.

Revenge.

Vindictiveness.

It is probably not a smart idea to say that I have a slight vengeful side to my nature, as that is not attractive, but I am too old not to be truthful, and to know myself, and I admit it.

Not proud of it, but there it is: I have a vengeful bone in my body.

Probably just one. A small one. A mostly useless bone. Perhaps in my jaw or eye socket.

But when people really tick me off there is a likelihood that the obnoxious, condescending, dismissive, or judgmental PART of their personality is going to unceremoniously land in a character in one of my books.

That person will not, as a whole person, or even half a person, be in my book. My characters come completely out of my free-roaming imagination.

But that prickly, nauseating, dislikable PART will be in one of my characters.

I did this very thing in one of my last few books, the title of which shall mysteriously go unnamed.

A peculiar, sanctimonious sap of a woman lied about me. She should not have done that. The lie had a painful impact on my life.

I have envisioned her being slightly trampled by a shrieking ostrich. I cannot wish more upon her than that because I am not a mean sort of person who wishes ill on anyone.

God, Karma, a conscience that can spring to guilt in a mini-second, and my late mother’s sweet voice unfortunately gets in my way of truly cursing someone.

But I can write about that PART of her. The lying part.

To read more, please go to my Subtack newsletter…

https://shorturl.at/CXtXi

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I am writing a Substack column titled “Vindictiveness.”

As you can see, my advisor is with me. Unfortunately I made the mistake of touching one of my advisor’s paws. So he bit me. Advisors shouldn’t bite. It’s not polite.

I informed my advisor of this but he seemed unmoved and gave me this cold look. He’s a rescue and still working on his manners. Ironically, the biting actually goes along quite well with my column.

Perhaps my advisor was feeling vindictive. Have a nice day.

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