Innocent Husband Was Mean to Me
This weekend I told Innocent Husband that I needed to go to the store to buy more flowers. Specifically, petunias.
He was aghast. Aghast!
He spread his arms out wide like an avenging eagle and indicated the new flowers surrounding us in their black plastic containers.
“What do you need MORE flowers for, Cathy?”
I could hardly believe my ears. I was befuddled. Baffled. What did he mean when he said, “What do you need MORE flowers for?”
That’s like asking me why I need air. Or a skeletal frame. Or cells. Or eyeballs or kidneys. “I don’t understand your question.”
“You haven’t even planted the flowers that you already bought!” The husband – avenging eagle spread his arms out further. What was he trying to do? Fly away? Elevate himself? Become a human airplane? Silly man.
This conversation was confusing to me so I glared at him. Yes, I had bought purple and magenta hydrangeas and a flowing fern and bright red, cheerful geraniums and purple fuchsias and an azalea that called my name in a sing-song voice. They had not been planted yet.
Why was this an issue?
Why was Innocent Husband botanically bullying me? Why was he speaking such nonsense?
“As a gardener, you don’t need to plant all the flowers you’ve bought before you buy new ones.”
Doesn’t everyone know this? Isn’t it common knowledge? “Are you feeling crazy, baby?”
Innocent Husband sighed which indicated that he did not believe he was feeling crazy.
I believed there was a possibility. Why on Earth would a sane husband ask such an inane question of his wife?
I shook my head at him, the poor man. “The sun is effecting your ability to think. You should go lay down or watch golf and yell at golfballs.”
“I don’t yell at golf balls,” he muttered.
“Yeah, you do. I’ve seen it.”
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