More Glamour For A Writer
I want to be the type of writer who thinks deep thoughts and writes in a blue cottage overlooking an ocean.
I want to be the type of writer who has a tree house specially built that I can imagine and daydream in every day after climbing up its spiral wood staircase.
I want to be the type of writer who has remodeled a cool attic with a view of the mountains and her horses frolicking.
A cool view would help.
My hair would be brushed and up in a spiffy ponytail, I would be skinnier and have the snazzy jeans with all the scrolling on the pockets. I would travel the world and bring home marvelous souvenirs from South Africa to Paris to Vietnam.
But no.
I am not that type of writer. I am married to Innocent Husband and have three teenagers.
In the last two weeks I have had many glamorous things happen.
1. I got poison oak up my arm. At least, I think it is poison oak. It itched so bad I wanted to bite my arm off. I used creams and potions. I had to take Benadryl. I can only take half a benadryl at a time because it makes me sad and tired. So, basically, the choice was: Itch so bad you want to remove your arm or be sad and tired. I chose sad and tired because I need my fingers to work so I can write stories from my daydreams.
My arm has gone from welty and swollen to looking like I’ve been burned, but I am winning the battle. I think I got the poison oak from running in the woods…
2. Speaking of running in the woods. I had two bugs fly into my mouth during my runs in two days. Not only do I not like the taste of bugs, this also violated my stringent rule of “No coughing and running at the same time.” You ladies who have had children know what I’m talking about.
One of my sister's horses. She lives in Montana. Maybe I will move to Montana.
3. For two days I didn’t write. Too much going on. (Note: Three teenagers) This meant that I spent Friday sitting on my unmade bed writing 5,500 words to keep up with my own self – imposed word count deadlines. I did not shower until 4:30. My hair was clipped back against my head. I was wearing a ratty t-shirt and my floppy U of O shorts. I drank too much coffee. I was muttering. I was gross.
4. One night I only knew where one of my three teenagers were. I found a second via Facebook. I like to know where my teenagers are because then I can pretend they are not doing something troublesome. It is a nice delusion. For parents who have teenagers, you know what I’m talking about.
5. I spent time studying my rash. I wondered if it really was poison oak. That worry tripped my slight hypochondria. Perhaps it was going to travel to my brain and I would have poison oak brain. Perhaps it was leprosy. Perhaps it was The Plague.
6. I will not admit to spending time thinking about the Bachelorette and who she should choose to marry. I don’t admit to watching the show. I think it should be Ari. Although Jef really is a perceptive, worldly, intelligent, compassionate, free ranging thinker. I think it should be Jef. No, Ari. Jef.
7. I procrastinated. I read Storm Large’s book. I read Under The Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer until I lost the book. They are better writers than me so I cursed them out loud as if they could hear me.
I want to take a private jet to Maui and snorkel with turtles.
8. I listened to a song by the Dixie Chicks as I drove through the country. Here are the lyrics:
I come to find a refuge in the
Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
I cried over the lyrics. I listened to the song again. I cried again. I listened a third time. I am such a sap.
9. I decided to delete the mom or the grandma in my next book. This was hard for me as I am attached to both women. I reminded myself they are fictional characters and it is not personal and no, they may not argue their case.
10. I thought about moving to Montana. A lot.
11. My insomnia had the best of me. I slept four hours a night for many nights. This was not helpful and my brain was both skittish and wiped out.
12. I regaled Innocent Husband with all thoughts of my leprosy/poison oak/The Plague. He listened patiently. He did not think I was going to die soon. He bought me a magenta colored bra with lace through our daughter who has a job selling lingerie for the summer. I modeled the bra for Innocent Husband. He said that even with the poison oak I was still a Cute Wife. I gave Innocent Husband a kiss.
I am not going to say anything about this pig except that sometimes I eat too much and I like it.
I am hoping for glamour next week.
you have no idea how much needed this today… well maybe you did 😉
1Ha! Well, hopefully you don’t have poison oak….
2You are so funny!! Poison oak sucks but then again, I feel the same way about running. 😉
Benadryl makes me something akin to a zombie which (trust me) is not always a bad thing.
If I had a teenager & he/she was anywhere near what I was like at that time, I would be looking into an ankle bracelet (or leash or duct tape) or whatever I could get away with that would keep me safe from child protective services. That being said, it’s probably a really good thing that I have no children. I’m content with being Aunt Em.
Although I live in Alabama, I am not a country music fan. This is probably a felony here. I do, however, admit to some serious reconsideration of that after reading June’s Lace in Beach Season. That was the sweetest story!
Lastly, I truly hope you get some good rest. If you could bang out a few hundred more books, that would be awesome! I’ve devoured everything I can get my hands on! 🙂
3You don’t like country music and you live in Alabama? Have they tried to arrest you for that crime?
Sooo glad you like my books. Hopefully you will like A Different Kind of Normal, out in August…
4I keep telling my daughter when her ‘teenagers’ act like teenagers that she ‘deserves it’. She doesn’t look me in the eye and mutters, ‘ya, ya, ya’.
Grandma’s revenge.
I am still waiting for ‘glamor’.
5Glamour is overrated.
6Brains are better.
I love this post. I always hope for a cleaner, thinner, sexier version of me, who would come home to her spotless house, always be prepared for meetings with insightful things to add, would never have the running/coughing problem (ahem), and whose day would run exactly as she planned. Haven’t met her yet, so I’ll have to do. And I love that Dixie Chicks song — one of my favorites. P.S. Try increasing your vitamin C while your skin is healing. Might help.
7A spotless house, Becki?
What is that?
When you say, “spotless house,” I think of all those Dr. Seuss books I read with spots in the house…can’t help it.
8Who needs snazzy jeans when you’re sporting a magenta lace bra? 😉 hang in there! You are totally inspiring just as you are!
9That’s right! Who needs the jeans when you have a magenta colored bra? The bra to end all bras…
10Hey! you got a husband that will gift you with a magenta lace bra. I have been widowed for over 4 years and have to buy my own bras, etc.
11“I read Under The Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer until I lost the book.”
LOL!!!
I lost SuchAPrettyFace ages ago, and i never got to finish it. I’m determined not to buy another beause i just know that I will find it. lol. So i’m stuck wondering what the heck happened to these characters, and its been plaguing me for far too long now.
I adoreeeee your blog!! ! I spend so much time doing other things than writing. For the longest while i uesd the excuse that i did not have a story which was very true, but now i have the story, and the protagonist is ME!! So here i am trying my best to make her as much ‘not me’ as possible, which of course means im not writing. There are also K-POP drama’s, and K-POP in general. sigh…..
12Did you find Such A Pretty Face? So glad you like the blog, I really am trying to write regularly, but then I get side tracked or have no inspiration for an article.
Great that you’re writing.
Why on earth are you trying so hard to make your protagonist not you? If the protagonist is you, make her you. It’ll be more authentic. You can twist and change things a bit later in your edits if you want, but follow what is organic to your story.
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